Dear Indie Film Directors:

1. Just because she is hot, doesn't mean she can act. I don't watch your low budget films for hot chicks, Hollywood and porn has that covered. Find actresses, not hotties you want to have sex with. When your movie is staffed with a bunch of competent male actors, the two stupid bimbos with big tits who can't get across one line without sounding like morons really detracts from the suspension of disbelief.

2. Handicam documentary style is hip, I get that. But shaking the fucking camera all over the place just makes me sick. It doesn't make me think that you are groundbreaking. I REALLY want to enjoy your movie, but I can't if I am puking all over myself because of motion sickness. There is a reason us game designers gave up on the "bouncing camera" effect: IT MAKES PEOPLE FUCKING PUKE.

3. Fake guns look fake. If you need help, just fucking email me. Lost couldn't get away with it, Terra Nova couldn't get away with it, Walking Dead couldn't get away with it, and no matter what, YOU can't get away with it. It's not that goddamn hard to get it right. They make good firing blank guns, or you can use gas-powered airsoft guns with digital flash and brass effects. How fucking hard is it?

Comments

[Perry]

Re: Bouncing Camera - It's not just the indie guys - Tried to see Safe House last night and I was feeling like I might puke by about minute 5. If I was not in the middle of the row I would have walked out. Someone needs to create a "camera shake rating guide" web site, I'd consult it before every action movie I see until this stupid "cool like youtube" fad goes away.