Christian Allen's Corner

Max Brooks will get you killed...

Max Brooks is a great author.  His book, World War Z, is THE recent definitive work in zombie fiction.  However, after reading a recent interview, I feel it is finally time for me to speak out.  Brooks also wrote The Zombie Survival Guide, which I found an amusing take on the coming apocalypse, and at least provided the masses with some guidance on taking on the shambling undead.  I thought I could look past the inaccuracies in the book, as the intent was good.  But Brook’s recent statements have proved me wrong.

In a recent interview at The Washington Post, Brooks was asked the following:

Ashburn, Va.: My friend and I are having a heated debate here, could you help us settle it? He says that a sawed-off shotgun is the preferred shotgun to blow zombie heads off, because it is less cumbersome and not detrimental to the carrier's mobility. I say that a standard shotgun is best, because the sawed-off's range is too short to be effective. You would need to get much too close to the offending zombie in order to get a good shot off. Can you settle this once and for all?

Max Brooks: BOTH shotguns are a problem. How many 12 guage rounds can you stuff in your pants? Shotgun shells are big, heavy and give you least bang for your bug, litteraly. Better stick with a .22, or even better, something that doesn't need to be reloaded like a machete. And don't worry about shooting zombies at long range. If they're that far away, just walk in the oposite direction.

This answer is indicative of Brooks’ statements in The Zombie Survival Guide, as well as many other interviews.  The problem is; it is plain wrong.  Brooks is a great author, as World War Z shows, but he doesn’t know shit about zombie engagement, and his views are endangering the living all over the globe who buy into his gospel.

Now, on this subject, I agree, a 12 gauge isn’t the optimal round for zombie engagement.  However, to suggest that a .22 is a better choice is simply ridiculous.  Yes, a .22 round can kill a zombie.  So can a pencil.  Both are great to take down zombies if you are A) Extremely skilled with the weapon OR B) Extremely lucky.  Otherwise, get fucked. 

In the concealed carry world, where a lethal shot to the body cavity or even the femoral artery in the leg can stop an attacker, there is debate on whether a .32 ACP, .38 Special, .380, or 9mm is the minimal round for self defense.  The .22 LR doesn’t even come into the conversation, and these are situations that do not include the requirement to pierce a human skull with enough energy to destroy the function of the brain to stop the threat.

The idea that a .22 LR “bounces around” inside the skull and thus causes as much trauma as a .45 ACP in a headshot is an urban legend, one that is unfortunately propagated by Brook’s writings.  Can it happen? Yes; just as a slingshot COULD launch a ball bearing that goes through the soft spot in a zombie’s skull and drop them. But the idea of the .22 LR being that lethal in untrained hands against a zombie is, in all reality, a joke. Advocating the .22 LR as an effective zombie-stopping round is just plain irresponsible.

I mentioned earlier that I didn’t disagree that a 12 gauge round wasn’t the best anti-zombie cartridge.  Why, with all my earlier ranting, would I say this?  Simple.  It is overkill for the capacity-to-kill ratio.  Yes, 12 gauge buckshot or slug will blow the fuck out of a zombie head.  BUT…12 gauge rounds are big and heavy.  Even considering a bite-only infection vector (that is to say discounting splash fluid infection), the 12 gauge is devastatingly effective against a single or small number of zombie adversaries, but not practical over long term engagements due to the limited amount of rounds in your weapon and those that you can carry.  Also, 12 gauge buckshot rounds, while effective, have a limited range.  Now, Brooks has asserted (while at the same time advocating the superbly ineffective .30 carbine round for some reason) that you should never engage Zombies at range, but if a mob of 20 Zombies is shambling towards my house, I sure would love to be able to start picking them off reliably at a range past 20 yards.

If resupply is not a problem, I actually advocate the P90 or PS90 in 5.7x28mm, this weapon fires a high-velocity round that will easily penetrate a skull, provide enough kill energy to scramble the brain, and has a great magazine capacity and economy when it comes to carrying a large number of rounds on a person.

Unfortunately, the P90 and the associated 5.7x28mm round are rare in the US due to economics and bullshit government regulations.  It is also extremely expensive.   With this in mind, the average civilian would be better served outfitting themselves with a good 5.56x45mm or 7.62x39mm semi-automatic rifle, or even a good 9mm carbine for zombie engagement, along with of course a reliable 9mm or .45 ACP sidearm.  The standard intermediate cartridge fired from a semi-automatic rifle, along with most pistol calibers fired from carbine-class weapons in semi-automatic mode will efficiently penetrate a zombie skull and drop the undead.  All that being said; I wouldn’t throw away a 12 gauge shotgun if I had to grab it to drop shamblers.  It blows big holes in things quite efficiently.

Last, but not least, I have to argue against this idea that the machete is the ideal anti-Zombie hand-to-hand weapon.  To stop a zombie you must destroy the head, i.e. crush its skull and incapacitate the brain.  A machete just isn’t the weapon to do that task.  Don’t believe me?  Take a machete and try and hack through a coconut in single swipe.  It’s hard to do and takes a lot of practice.  A mace or even a simple hatchet serves the purpose much better.  A machete is made to cut foliage, period.  Just like Brook’s statements that a .22 or a .30 carbine is the ideal zombie defense round, his statements that a machete is the ideal close combat zombie weapon is not only flawed, it will get people killed.

Max Brooks is a great writer.  But please don’t think that this means he knows what he is talking about when it comes to tactical engagement of the undead.  He will get you killed if you buy into his bullshit.

Note to Self: Don't Get Onstar

Onstar has a new feature that allows them to disable your vehicle at the behest of the government.  Great!  I think I will pass on that feature, thank you very much!

Shootin' Zombies ain't just for video games any more...

Nothing takes the stress off of a long day of designing video games like putting a few hundred rounds of 7.62x39mm into a zombie fuck.

Thanks to the dudes that make zombie targets, now I don't have to load up the Xbox 360 to pop caps in zombie skulls!

PAX last week, GDC next week...

PAX was great again this year, it's holding it's own for me as the replacement for the "old" E3.  Still not quite as spectacular, but it has a great vibe with the fans.  Brink looked pretty hot, and I had to fight my way through the Scribblenauts to get to the WB booth.  Of course, it was great to hook up with my compadres from Bungie and Ubi.  Unfortunetly, the pics I snapped on my iphone of the various cosplay shennanigans didn't really come out.  Good new is; it looks like I avoided the Swine. ;)

GDC Austin is next week, looking forward to my panel.  Looks like I'll have some travel fun, spending a day in Burbank for some meetings on Tuesday, and flying overnight to arrive Wednesday for my panel on Wednesday afternoon.  I'm looking forward to both, but not the travel in between.  At least I'll have a few days after the panel to absorb the conference and decompress.  I'll try to take some good pics this time.  Really!

Tim Schafer got me thinking...

So I was reading Kotaku's article on Brutal Legend's achievements, including the "Six Degrees of Schafer" achievement, another example of a viral achievement, and I got to thinking...doing a bit of research, it looks like I am actually the first person to have ever had a viral achievement on Xbox Live.

According to OXM, Small Arms came out on Nov. 20th, 2006.  We launched the TU with the Assassin Achievement on October 20th, but I waited until November 14th to log on (the Achievement was hardcoded to unlock on my gamertag when it was live and I logged in).  So I guess that makes me the first "recipient" of a viral achievment.  I guess I can list that among my achievements next to my "Worst Achievement Ever" award for GRAW's World Champion (I know, I know, it was a fucking stupid thing to do).

Interestingly, the first people I played with early in the morning at RSE were in France, so the second person in the world to have a viral achievement was French... :)

Back to your regular programming.

Winds of change...

It’s been quite a while since I posted anything substantive here, so I do have a few updates.  First off, I am excited to have accepted a position at WB Games as Lead Game Designer.  WB Games has made huge strides in expanding their dedication to AAA game titles, and I’m pleased to take the design helm of one of these unannounced titles.  I am supremely confident that the crew at Bungie will continue to kick ass on Halo: Reach. It was an honor to work on a great title with some of the most talented folks in the industry; Reach will be fucking awesome.

I’m also happy that I have been accepted as a speaker at this year’s GDC Austin Game Writers Summit in September, as part of a debate on the role of narrative vs. gameplay during game development.  Should be exciting, and it means I don’t have to put together a Powerpoint this year!

That is all, carry on.

Fuck you, Starbucks.

Yes, I really do want a medium decaff latte with sugar-free vanilla syrup and lowfat milk.  Not a grande skinny whateverthefuckyoujustsaid.  If I wanted to get smart ass comments and snide looks with my fucking coffee I can go to Barnes & Noble.  From now on I'll head to the Mcdonald's drive through, I don't think they will give me shit about my ordering etiqett while I'm getting coffee with my McNuggets.

My one picture from GDC 2009

So guess I did lie when I said I hadn't taken any pictures at GDC this year.  I opened up my camera tonight and I found this ONE picture.  I'm not quite sure which party it was from, although I suspect it was the Microsoft party. For the life of me I can't remember taking the camera with me, much less taking the photo.  Oh well, maybe in the future it will be an awesome and impactful picture.  You never know in the games industry.

Hey Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint: STFU

Yeah dude, I get it.  You are a "normal guy," just like us.  Except you wear super expensive suit jackets while walking in black and white commercials with classical music playing.  I get it.  You are rich and awesome, and you want to tell us stupid folks why we should buy your company's stuff because you got into a cab (with your laptop).

Dude, hire some fat putz or a dorky guy like Verizon has to hawk your wares, because you are reaching towards the ULTIMATE FAIL.  Rich folk don't use Sprint, they already have Iphones, and poor folk don't go for the "hey look at me I'm super rich and pretending to be normal while walking the streets of NYC" spiel.

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AWAY.  You're starting to piss me off.  I'm trying to watch Family Guy.

Thesaurus FAIL

So I got this ad in my email the other day.  Made me chuckle.  Oh, and I lied, I didn't take any GDC pictures, forget the camera in my room every day.  Oh well, next year.